This is the most common question I have been presented with over the years. Normally my first piece of advice is – breathe. Rarely does anything “legal” need to happen immediately. I recommend self-care. This is a massive life change that needs to be processed. Although the grief work will normally take years, the initial period following a separation is not a time to be making important decisions; there is value in taking time to get some grounding. If you do choose to see a lawyer immediately, please consider taking a friend with you, who can take some notes, as you may not remember anything that is said!
The issues that need to be addressed following a separation include a Parenting Plan, if there are children, Support issues and how Property is going to be dealt with. The ways in which you can address these issues vary considerably.
As you will know from my website, I believe that peaceful resolutions should be the primary method used. This would include mediation and collaborative law, which allow the two people to speak, to hear each other, and to direct the resolution. Lawyers are part of both of these processes, however the understanding is that this is your life and ultimately you know what will work best for your family.
When people aren’t able to communicate directly, lawyers are able to negotiate on your behalf, with the hope that the issues can still be resolved by way of a separation agreement. It is very important for you to be clear with your lawyer about what is important to you and what you hope for your future.
When there is no other option, or if your lawyer believes a Judge’s opinion would be helpful to settle an issue, a Court application can be initiated. Although most cases brought to court also settle, this option is expensive, invasive and emotionally draining. This option normally harms future parenting relationships as opposed to supporting them. Having said all of that, sometimes court is necessary and in those times, your lawyer will be able to guide you through the process.
Every case is unique, as is each human being, and there are a variety of options available to you to help you move forward. It is important that you carefully consider the options at the outset. In the initial period following the separation, you may choose court as a way to lash out. If you allow yourself some time to reflect and consider, you may decide that a peaceful process is the best way for you both to craft your futures and those of your children.